The Gigi Effect

I was so exhausted last night that I almost fell asleep sitting up at a restaurant. Dee and MJC were chatting about how Dee once met Marilyn Monroe when she was about our age. I desperately wanted to hear the story, but I was fighting to remain conscious. All I remember was Dee describing Marilyn as blubbery and chunky and then MJC offering that he'd heard that she was quite unfit but on a very small frame. Like most Law & Order episodes, I ended up nodding off despite my interest and then asking MJC for a recap as we were both in bed.

When I was small, my mom tells me if I would not go to sleep, she could just strap me into my car seat and ride around the block. In adulthood, Law & Order and a glass of wine has the same effect.

Part of the reason for my exhaustion is our downstairs neighbor, Gigi. She wakes up at 5:00 am every morning. I know this, because usually between 5:00 and 5:20 am, I wake up too.
My alarm is set for 6:00 am, but I wake up 40 minutes early because of Gigi's stomping routine.
It's not as organized as an exercise video, it is more like little bouts of marching. For some architectural reason, whatever her routine, it rises through the walls of her apartment and into ours creating a haunting effect. To best describe the disturbance, hopefully you have seen a stage production of A Christmas Carol - I know most of my readers have.

When Scrooge (I guess that might make me Scrooge in this story- DAMN) falls asleep after possibly eating a bit of underdone potato, he is woken up by the sounds of the ghost, among other ghosts, of Joseph Marley. Usually, the directors indicate a spectral presence by arranging thumping, echoing, stomping noises that almost shake you in your audience seat. THIS is very similar to Gigi's morning routine, except that it seems to last about 3 hours and includes weekends. I never get the relief of waking up and addressing the ghost and then journeying into better times together either. I am just tired.

If I take away the tiredness and try to imagine an explanation for this specific, strange noise I am stumped.

Perhaps she has a Wii Military - do they make that? And she is performing marching routines under her Virtual Sergeant's command.

Maybe she is breaking in a pair of platform t-strap heels but because she leaves them unbuckled, she stumbles along her path and stomps in an unnatural fashion.

Speaking of fashion, maybe she is tirelessly practicing her model walk, wearing think, lumbering Frankenstein shoes all the way down her wooden runway in the hopes of emulating a challenge Tyra Banks might think of on ANTM.

Maybe she is doing home repair, or building a rather large piece of furniture with a mallet and dowels.

When MJC and I grumbled about it this morning, we remembered the first time we tried to talk to our downstairs neighbor about a disturbance. MJC described venturing downstairs to talk to Gigi about her alarm, which was so loud we could hear in our apartment every morning. MJC very politely went to her door and asked if there was anyway to alter the placement or volume of what was very clearly her clock radio, which was waking us every morning.
Gigi looked confused - "I don't have an alarm clock."
MJC pressed on - "Well, do you play a radio in the morning?"
"No," she blinked, stumped.
Just like Elliot or Liv would do, MJC continued questioning our suspect at her front door.
Suddenly, Gigi had an idea about the noise, which was obviously coming from her apartment every morning at the exact same time. "Maybe it's my cat?, " she mused without a hint of irony or playfulness. It is most certainly NOT your cat we are hearing upstairs in our apartment. Is she serious?, MJC thought.
MJC describes trying to rationally walk our neighbor through her irrational argument only to be met with blank stares and bizarre, outlandish suggestions.
Remembering our last encounter, it is clear we will not be talking to her about her thumping routine, perhaps I will just adjust and start waking up at 5:00 am myself?- think of all of the blogging I could get done.