Dry Cleaners Most Wanted

So I pull out my striped BCBG sailor-esque dress to wear today and realize it has birdshit on the back of the skirt. Is that retroactive good luck or is that only fortunate if you get bird poop on your head? I have not worn the dress in a couple of months - literally - and I pull it out to wear and it has ancient poo on it - GRODY! How am I going to explain that one to my dear dry cleaner?

Already, they know me by my sins. I roll in with a stack of items and here is the typical exchange.
Me: "Okay, this is lipstick...no I know it will be tough as this is white silk but...just try please."
Dry Cleaner: "Uh, yeah. That will be tough."
Me: "This is ball point pen."
Dry Cleaner, looking skeptical: "Ball point pen we can't guarantee - oily stains are easier for us."
Me, looking crest-fallen and guilty: "Okay, well just do your best, I guess. I'm sorry?"
Me: "Alright, this one is some face make-up and a little pineapple juice here."
Dr Cleaner now looks crest-fallen and slightly disgusted.
Me: "Oh yeah, what is this? Oh yeah! That is coffee and then right there, that is a little crystal light...oh and on the back there, that is ball point pen. I know, I know, ball point is tough."

Fortunately, until now, I have never had to admit bird poop from two or three months ago.
Absolutely humiliating.

How can I be a professional, somewhat together, adult PIGPEN?!