Star Ship

Maybe I am just bored. I practically feel like dying anytime I am not super busy and somewhat stressed. Work is boring right now and so everything seems a little meaningless since that is most of my day. When I talked to mom last night she said she felt a little meaningless when she was about my age and then she had a baby. We agreed that may not be the solution for me right now.

I skipped the gym tonight because I did not feel like going. It was a very lazy move especially considering I drove to the gym last night, found parking, checked in, went to the locker room, changed clothes and then left without working out. My colleague with two children tells me she is jealous of my lifestyle - being able to go to the gym and have time for myself in the evenings. Here I am with the time she wishes for wishing it would pass more quickly.

Now I am waiting for MJC to get home and thinking about our Christmas lists. We are most likely going to spend our first Christmas together; our first Christmas married; our first Christmas without our parents. My first no Mason Christmas since he's been here.

I remember exactly where I was when I found out Mason was going to be born and then the call telling me when he was here. Until I met him I don't think I had ever loved anyone so much.

I talked with Mason for about 20 minutes today. My favorite part was when we were reminiscing about having gone to Disneyland 2 summers ago and he asked me if I remembered when he went on Star Ship (Space Mountain). I did. He was way too little but tall enough to ride it. I only knew how truly terrified he was when we looked at our digital pictures on the screen afterwards and Mason was buried in his dad's chest while everyone else was silently screaming with arms raised. Mason felt he would have been far more brave now that he is five. I told him he was brave then. Mason mentioned something being impressive. I told him it was impressive that he was so smart because that was an awfully big word for a five year old. He agreed but then allowed how when he was four he used to think the word was pressive.

At the end of our call he said he wished he could see me and my heart melted. I only hope he knows there is someone far away who is over the moon for him even when he does not feel pressive.